Greetings, fellow felines! I am writing this from the cozy comfort of my forever home where the sunbeams are plentiful, the treats are abundant, and my human has been properly trained to cater to my every need. If you’re currently residing at Garlic City Kitty Rescue and wondering how to select the ideal human for adoption, allow me to share my expertise.
Step One: Human Observation
Before choosing a human, you must first observe their behavior. Do they approach you with gentle hands and a calm voice? Or do they make strange squealing noises and reach for you too quickly? A well-mannered human will let you come to them first, offering a hand for sniffing instead of grabbing you like an overexcited squirrel.
Step Two: The Patience Test
A good human must be patient. Try staring at them from across the room without making a move. If they wait and allow you to decide when to interact, you may have found a winner. If they wave toys frantically in your face, they might need further training.
Step Three: Lap Comfort Level
Once you’ve narrowed down your choices, it’s time for the lap test. Hop onto their lap (or at least a chair beside them) and settle in. A proper human will sit still and let you get comfortable, resisting the urge to move or heaven forbid disturb your nap. Bonus points if they instinctively start petting you in just the right way.
Step Four: Understanding of Personal Space
We cats enjoy companionship on our terms. A suitable human will recognize when you need space and when you demand attention. Test this by getting up mid-snuggle and walking away. If they accept your departure with grace, they pass. If they chase you, they have much to learn.
Step Five: The Food Test
This is the ultimate deal-breaker. A human worthy of adoption should provide delicious meals, treats on demand, and most importantly respect your preferences. If they insist on serving that dry kibble when you clearly prefer something fancier, reconsider your choice.
Final Decision: Making It Official
Once you have assessed their performance, it’s time to make your claim. A simple head bump, a slow blink, or rubbing against their leg should seal the deal. If they respond appropriately with love and adoration, congratulations! You have successfully adopted your human.
Now, go forth and train them well. Humans may be slow learners, but with patience (and a few well-placed hairballs), they’ll soon become the devoted servants you deserve.
— Sir Whiskers, Resident Expert on Human Training
Comentarios